


through the storm, through the night

by madnessiseverything



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Crying, Drabble, Hurt/Comfort, Takes place during season 3, Tim-centric, i miss tim guys, yes i cried editing this shush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 06:55:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20466884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madnessiseverything/pseuds/madnessiseverything
Summary: Distantly, Tim is proud of himself for taking so long to fall apart, for clinging to his foundations with gritted teeth and white knuckles. The anger is comfortable, welcome, familiar. It’s what has kept him on his feet, what has kept him from giving into the urge to just die already, to follow in Danny’s footsteps and get taken apart by the horrors that seem to dictate their entire life nowadays. Anger has kept him going.the one where Tim falls apart and Martin is there.





	through the storm, through the night

**Author's Note:**

> phew guys... this has been in my docs for a while now, but i got a massive rush of tim feelings and decided to finally edit it and post! another short one, but plenty of feelings to make up for it.
> 
> (title from falling apart by michael schulte)

Distantly, Tim is proud of himself for taking so long to fall apart, for clinging to his foundations with gritted teeth and white knuckles. The anger is comfortable, welcome, familiar. It’s what has kept him on his feet, what has kept him from giving into the urge to just die already, to follow in Danny’s footsteps and get taken apart by the horrors that seem to dictate their entire life nowadays. Anger has kept him going.    
  
It’s easy to use knowledge a less angry version of him gathered to find the cracks in the facades of the people around him. To find them and  _ dig in. _ It helps, to give the anger a place to focus on that isn’t inwards. God knows he’s spent long enough blaming himself. But the self-hatred led to nothing. Focusing outwards helps, gives him something new.   
  
Jon answers his anger with indignation, with glances filled with suspicion and blame. It only stokes the flames, makes the anger grow and grow. Tim wonders if Jon is aware and then laughs at himself. If he isn’t now, he will be soon, eldritch powers and all that bullshit. The point is, being angry at Jon is easy. Jon fuels the anger, bites back with annoyance and that awful sting of superiority. It makes Tim’s blood boil and fingers itch. He doesn’t punch him, but the thought that he is capable of it helps. Jon reacts.  
  
Martin answers his anger with a wall of stone. He lets Tim rage, looks at him with wide eyes that make Tim want to scream. Martin isn’t allowed to look at him like that. He isn’t allowed to look at him with  _ pity  _ of all things. After the third time Tim explodes at him he doesn’t even flinch.   
The only times Martin responds with biting words of his own is when Tim targets Jon. But unlike the matching heat of Jon’s anger, Martin is cold, no matter how high his voice goes. Even in his anger, he remains passive. Tim hates it. Maybe, if he pushes enough, he’ll get the reaction he desperately needs, with Jon on a different continent, out of reach. He needs  _ something. _   
  
This is how he finds himself across from Martin, whose eyes are wide as Tim continues to push,  _ push _ . His hands are shoving at Martin’s chest and no matter the fact that Tim  _ knows  _ Martin could retaliate without issue, the other man just stumbles back. Fuck, Tim just wants him to finally  _ fight back for once, can’t he see that nobody cares? Is he really so desperate for the approval of everyone that he turns completely blind to the fact that everyone treats him like shit?  _ Tim is screaming and Martin is backing away, not rising to it. That damned pity is sneaking into his hurt eyes and Tim cuts himself off with a wordless yell and  _ pushes. _   
  
He doesn’t know why he crumbles then. There’s a lump in his throat and his chest feels like its collapsing into itself. His hands are twisted into Martin’s shirt and before he can register it, his face is pressed into Martin’s shoulder and instead of digging for more anger he finds himself crying. Martin’s arms loop around him so fast and a desperate laugh bubbles out of Tim. God, he’s really lost it now.    
  
Martin is babbling nonsense, drawing useless circles into Tim’s back with his hands. Tim clings onto him and cries, laughter slowly dissolving into heaving sobs. Martin’s grip grows tighter and the heavy feeling in Tim’s chest spreads, the constant feeling of being watched that the Institute brings with it only increasing. It makes Tim itch to pull back and bring back his rage. He wants to shake Martin, ask him how he can stand to remain the same, how he can stand to still make tea for them all, how he can even try to look at Jon with anything but distrust. He wants to scream at him because how dare he try and fix things that are beyond broken with nothing but kindness? How dare he look at Tim with concern, how dare he not rise to the insults Tim throws his way?    
  
Instead, Tim continues to hold onto Martin and lets himself fall apart. And through it all, Martin stays.   
  
Tim wishes he could resent him for it.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on [tumblr](https://extinctioniscoming.tumblr.com) and on [twitter](https://twitter.com/nottanycritter). feel free to come yell and cry together with me. hope you enjoyed!


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